I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
