I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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