4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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