I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
