He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
