Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
