he wants to bone in the snuggie
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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