Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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