I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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