Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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