so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
worst night to have a conscience
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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