she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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