Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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