Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize