Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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