I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
