So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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