Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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