I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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