I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
