you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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