So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
