Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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