she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
