Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
