Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you