i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
