I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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