508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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