What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
