So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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