he looks like a really good dad on facebook
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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