I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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