She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
