his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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