My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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