Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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