I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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