Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
