I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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