Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
