i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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