Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
