God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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