Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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