Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
