On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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