Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
