i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
