I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
