"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
