***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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