we made out on top of his cat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize