she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
