I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
