My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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