Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
