Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
