so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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