textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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