his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
