so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
